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Not All Actions Are Created Equal Ep: 008



Hi there I’m so glad you’re here and Welcome to Episode #8 of She Coaches Coaches.  

Today I’m continuing on the journey of explaining my 5-part Confident Coaches Success Framework.  You’ve come so far you’ve learned a ton and today it’s Part 4. I use this framework with all my clients, and with myself, to get better results. It helps me reach my goals and to feel better all along the way. 

I originally wanted to call this episode “A is for Action” but then I realized it was more important that you knew that not all actions are created equal. Which is my way of saying staying busy just for the sake of busy can be counterproductive, 

Now before we get started I wanted to thank all of the early listeners who took the time to leave a review on my podcast. I know it’s a bit fiddly leaving a review and to make it worthwhile I offered a free draw for two $50 Amazon. Com gift cards. I did the draw last week and notified the winners already.  

It was pretty exciting cause I love giving gifts and I am so grateful for these reviews.  It’s exciting when I get the notice that someone has left a review! 

Over the next couple of weeks I’ll share some of these reviews with you.  

This one is from Saayashah25543 . Let me read it to you. 

“Candy is an awesome host who gives wonderful, clear advice. I love the 5 tips she gave because they are not only useful in coaching but are incredibly helpful in real life. If you are looking for useful tips that will change your life for the better, def give a listen. And so true that two people can view a situation in completely different ways and we can choose how we perceive things and the way we think in a powerful way.” 

Ok now we’re ready to talk about this next pillar The pillar of action.

But before we do let me remind you quickly of the 5 components of this framework. Let’s get you caught up.  I’ll pop the links to the other episodes where I talk about the other pillars in the episode description so you can check those out later. 

You can use this Confident Coaches Success Framework everywhere. Learn it here for your coaching business and then use and apply it any other area of your life. It’s universal.  Learning how you create your results and how you can change the results you are creating by managing your thoughts is kind of like finding treasure. It’s one of the biggest contributors to my growth and meaningful success.  

So here they are – the 5 components of my Confident Coaches Success Framework 

  1. Accept what is.

Accept where you’re at, accept who you are, be kind to yourself and even love yourself, right now.

  1. It’s always your thoughts.

Every thought that you have works to create the life you have. Every thought is optional and yes, you can learn how to change your thoughts.

  1. Your feelings are your GPS

How you feel affects what you do and the quality of your life. Feelings are the language of life and they are magnetic.

  1. Take intentional and inspired action (here’s where are today)
  2. What you see is what you’ve got or put another way. The Be – Do – Have principle 

Ok action. This is my jam. I’m always do do doing. What about you?  I used think the more I do, the closer I’ll get to my goal, the faster I’ll get there. The more I’ll make and the more successful I’ll be. 

That’s pretty much inline with how society tells us to be successful.  How often have you heard “you’ve got to hustle hard to make it happen” or  “winners show up early, stay late and get the job done”. 

Sure we do have to do things, we can’t just think pretty thoughts and have life fall into our laps. But often I use action, busyness to avoid doing the right thing, or the most effective thing. I’m still learning but I used to equate busy with successful and even busy with virtuous. Hard work is the only way to get ahead.  

In this episode I’m going to start to unravel that old belief for you. So you can find a new way. 

Remember last episode I spoke about how we’re not used to feeling our feelings and that most of us try to avoid feeling bad. Sometimes we stay busy or use activity to avoid feeling bad or sad. But if our emotions act as a GPS or a compass then it’s only reasonable that when we’re more aware of how we feel we’re more on aligned with our life. Another of way of putting it is we’re closer to the right path. 

I actually think of that thoughts feelings and action form a triad.  

Here’s why, I know that my actions will be more effective when my thoughts and feelings are aligned, purposeful, inspired, empowered. I also know that if I’m feeling bummed out, disappointed, bored it’s because of how I’m thinking and the resulting action is going to have an overtone of bored and bummed out. 

Yes, how you feel affects the vibe of what you’re doing. It only makes sense, if you’re feeling open and curious you’re more likely to act as a reflection of how feel. Similarly if you’re feeling angry, frustrated and stressed you actions will reflect this too. 

So how do you know the “right” thing to do or the “right” way to do it. If you could see me, you’d see me making air quotes with my fingers. 

Well let’s talk about this a bit more.  Let’s use this podcast episode as an example 

I know that I want to create an episode this week so it’s ready to go for you to listen to. I want it to be helpful, meaningful and useful for you. 

I can feel obligated, or like it’s something to “check the box” and I can just grind it out.  Just say any old thing, while I feel kind of bored.  Then guess what? Then the content that I write and record is going to feel kind of boring, kind of mechanical. When I speak it,  I won’t be as engaged, I won’t feel as connected to you listening. 

What’s the feeling – thought –action  triad in this example? If I’m feeling bored or obligated. I might be thinking “let’s get this over with” or “I guess I have to” or “I don’t really know what to say” and I record the podcast in this head space – it comes out sort of robotic. 

I might say almost the same thing, write almost the same text but then for some reason, you the listener won’t learn as much, won’t stop for a minute and think – “how I can apply that to my situation”, maybe you won’t hit subscribe or you’ll click away and go to another episode. 

Compare this with what happens with this engaged and motivated thought-feeling-action triad instead? 

We’ve got exactly the same scenario. I know it’s time to create this week’s episode. I can choose to think thoughts like “this is good”  or “this is really helpful” or “I wish I had known this when I was starting out as a coach” or one of my current favorite thoughts “ the work I do is life changing and meaningful”. Now I feel inspired and on purpose and I enjoy my writing and recording so much more. The result is I create a more valuable episode to help you. Which is really my goal. 

Ok so where are we now? 

You’re discovering that as you work to attract clients and become a coach it’s just as important, if not more important to be aware of how you’re feeling when you’re practicing coaching, looking for clients, take the steps to build your business 

The action is important, but it’s helpful to think of it as part of the triad. The action isn’t more important than how you feel. And how you feel is a direct result of your thoughts.  This is a completely different way to look at building a coach business. Sure you might see a step-by-step strategy and it’s true it’s super helpful. But this combination of thoughts-feelings-actions is one of the reasons why some people get better, faster results. 

So here’s what to do– because you can learn to do this for yourself. 

Every day focus on the next small step,  these little bits of growth and awareness add up fast and before you know it you will have made some big progress in your effectiveness and you’ll be getting more of the results you actually want. 

Start small, little by little and keep at it. 

Today, before you start to work on the next thing on your to-do list. Do these 6-mini steps, they’ll only take a couple of minutes. 

1. Ask yourself “how am I feeling right now?” Write one word that describes your emotion on a piece of paper.

2. Next take a slow breath. Inhale, and exhale

3. Now, ask yourself “what am I thinking?” Jot down a few thoughts that come to mind. 

4a. If you’re feeling great, inspired, alive, purposeful – then go for it. Get to work. 

4b. If you’re feeling stressed, exhausted, confused, overwhelmed, bored. – something yucky.

5. Pause and look at what you’ve written and just stay here for a bit. It’s not worth it to force yourself to keep going if you’re feeling crappy. 

6. Ask yourself “What do I need?” And answer on the paper 

I literally write this on the piece of paper. It helps to have this written dialogue with myself. You are the expert in your own life. 

Here are some ways of resolving these unproductive feelings 

First, sometimes just getting clear on the emotion and what you’re thinking clears it up. 

Here are some other options: 

Do you need to reassure yourself? You could say “It’s ok to be nervous, you’re doing fine.” 

Do you need to remember that you’re human and that you’ve never built a business before? You could remind yourself “Wow, I’ve never done this before, I’ll probably make mistakes, but I’ll figure it out eventually.” 

Maybe you’ve been pushing too hard. Support yourself with “Phew, it’s been a long week. I think I’ll take a break for a few minutes.” 

Maybe you’ve been avoiding taking the next step.  Comfort yourself with “Crap I’ve been avoiding this. I’m scared.  I can take this one step and see how it goes.” 

Maybe you’ve been telling yourself you’re confused, overwhelmed and don’t know where to start. Remind yourself “It’s only normal that I’m feeling overwhelmed, and I can still get started. I bet I’ll feel clearer once I’ve made a start.” 

Maybe you’re not giving yourself a break, riding roughshod over yourself. Treat yourself more kindly by saying “Hey, I’ve been pretty hard on myself, I’ve done a lot already, I’m doing fine – wow I’ve really made progress.” 

Nothing has gone wrong. Our brain loves to think everything is a problem and It’s normal for your brain to think something is wrong, that you’re not enough or that it will never work.  

Think of these 6-mini steps  like a little flow chart


  1. Ask “how am I feeling?”
  2. Breathe
  3. Ask “What am I thinking”
  4. No you’re at a decision point
  5. Feeling good – go for it.
  6. Feeling not so good pause and encourage, support, comfort yourself.

This will take less than 5-minutes, but it will save you countless hours of drudgery, frustration and exhaustion. 

I want you to create a coaching business, get clients and make money while having the impact that you want to have.  I don’t you to create a business that you hate. That you quit.

 If you’re listening, you’re meant to be a coach I want you to enjoy it and to stick with it, even when it’s tough. I want you to succeed. You can learn how to do all this on your own. But if you want some help, I’m here. Click on the link in the episode to find out more about we can work more closely together. 

I’m all for working on signing new clients, set up your business, create a website, grow your network, write a blog post, contribute to a Facebook group and any of the other myriad of things you can do. 

Use this episode to help yourself be even more effective while you’re taking these actions. 

Because, yes the action is important. Of course we have to get out there and do stuff, but when we’re thinking and feeling like a hormonal and grumpy 13-year old when we walk out the door for the next networking event there is absolutely no way it’s  the best way to meet and attract clients. 

So in a nutshell, take what you’ve learned here – once today and then tomorrow and the next day pause before you barrel ahead before tackling your to-do list.  Become aware how you’re feeling, breathe and if you need to shift your thinking slightly then you’re ready to get to work. 

So next week is going to be another interesting episode, we’re talking about the final (fifth pillar) of my Confident Coaches Success Framework. It’s the Be-Do-Have pillar and it’s fun.

So guys, I so appreciate that you are here with me, following along and listening learning and I hope you’re applying this stuff too. I’m super excited to hear how this goes for you. 

Of course you can do all of this on your own using all the information I’m giving you in these episodes. 

But if you want more help, you want to feel better and make progress faster, I’d be honored to be your coach. 

it really is so much easier to do this work when you work with someone else who's objective and skilled at facilitating the process. It's someone who doesn't let you use your excuses, kind of calls you on your BS a little bit. That's what I do as a coach. I help you to bring yourself out of confusion, self doubt and indecision and move forward on your goals 

Click on the link in this episode to find out more about how we can work together. I’m really looking forward to hearing from you. 

Before I wrap this up, I wanted to tell you about a new free membership site that I created to help you start your business and become a coach.  It’s called The Coaches Online Business Academy and here’s how it works. 

When you sign up for your free account you will have immediate access to a whole bunch of resources and it’s all free. I’ve got a quiz to help you narrow down your niche, a pre-recorded 5-day training to kickstart your coaching business, and a lot of PDF guides. Including 147 proven coaching niches, a checklist for what you need to do as a brand-new coach just starting out and ideas for places to find paying clients plus more.  

Each month I’ll be adding more Free resources to this vault. You only need to sign up once and you’ll get access to all the resources and all the new ones as I add them too.  It’s a really great deal, and I’m so pleased to be able to offer it to you. 

Click on the link to The Coaches Online Business Academy in the show notes and sign up today. 

We’ll talk to you soon.


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Correction: This episode refers to "The Model." I'd like to rectify any errors or omissions by giving proper attribution and credit to the originators, Dr. Albert Ellis, who formulated REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy), and Dr. Aaron Beck, who incorporated it into CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). "The Model" and references to CTFAR should be more accurately referred to as "The CBT Model." CBT is a widely recognized and effective approach that helps individuals understand how their thought processes impact their daily lives.

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