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Accept What Is Ep: 005




Today we’re going to talk about the framework I use with my clients to help them work through their mindset challenges so they can feel better and get the results they want.  It’s made up of 5 components and today we’ll talk about the first element which is  ‘acceptance of yourself and your current reality’. Now don’t get all uptight with me because when I say acceptance, I’m not talking about being passive and giving up. No “it is what it is” passive complacency. This kind of acceptance says don’t fight with your current reality. It means you can choose something different going forward but at this moment, you are enough and there is nothing inherently wrong with where you are. The only thing “wrong” if you want to call it that is how you interpret it.


Now before we dive in I wanted to share this with you.  I love a heartfelt testimonial; this one is from Lumina and I am so thankful to her for this. Here’s what she had to say.


“If you’re looking for a coach, you have to check out Candy Motzek. I just had an initial interview with her yesterday, just one single hour and it’s already making waves in my mindset as a businesswoman. She’s really good at what she does – presence, wisdom, holding incredible intentional space for you to get clarity. She’s the real deal.”


Ok so let’s dive into today’s episode. The Confident Coaches Success Framework I use has 5 components. Let me tell you what they are and then we’re going to talk more about the first element. I’ll talk about the remaining four in future episodes. I like to take this one step at a time, we’re on this journey together so stick with me and keep showing up.


Now I use this framework in all of my coaching, whether it’s a new coach who’s nervous about telling anyone he’s a coach or a coach learning how to be a better more effective coach with her clients. These 5 elements can be applied universally.


Most importantly I use these in my life, I’m always learning and relearning and applying this knowledge. I’m right there alongside you. we’re in this together.



So here they are – the 5 pillars of my Confident Coaches Success Framework

  1. Accept what is
  2. It’s always your thoughts
  3. Your feelings are your GPS
  4. Take intentional and inspired action
  5. What you see is what you’ve got or put another way. Be – Do – Have


Let me repeat those five components again.


Accept what is. Accept the neutrality of who you are and your current reality.


Second, it’s always your thoughts. Remember this. Your thoughts are powerful, and they completely influence every part of your life.


Next, stay in tune with your internal GPS, your feelings. and I’m not just talking about your gut reaction, I’m talking about all the emotions you experience.


Fourth, be intentional with what you do. Staying busy just to stay busy is ineffective, exhausting and won’t get you what you want.


And finally, be – do – have. Your current results are directly attributed to who you are being and your thoughts.


Today we’re going to talk more about the first one.


I call it: Accept what is.


Right now as I’m recording this we’re in the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic. Maybe you’re listening and the pandemic is behind us and I’m looking forward to that day too. Right now though, my life has changed dramatically, I’m not nearly as quick to jump in the car and go and do something in a crowded place like the mall. My husband and I spend less time with friends and going out for dinner and even less time hugging the people we love.


Now I could get all bent out of shape (and believe me I still do from time to time) but I also know that this is my current reality. So I’m choosing to accept it. I’m not trying to pinkwash a bad situation and pretend that everything is jolly like a sparkly rainbow unicorn that smells like strawberry gumdrops. This is my reality right now, and possibly yours and I can choose to fight it and get exhausted, frustrated, depressed and rebellious or I can choose to accept it and design my life a new way.


The way your life is right now. The results you’ve got, who you are, your skills and attributes are a result of how you’ve lived your life up to this moment.


We often complain about the past. Wish we had done something different. Maybe wished we had taken a different degree or learned how to set boundaries earlier. No matter what you regret or wish you had done differently we can’t change the past.


The past is


You did your best given who you were, the choices you made, the ups and downs of your life. You did the best you could with what you had.


Let me repeat that.


I know you did your absolute best given who you were, the choices you made, the ups and downs of your life. You did the best you could with what you had.


And you can’t change it. You can’t change the past. And you don’t need to.


Even more interesting, why would you want to?


When I was in high school, my Dad decided that it would a good idea for me to be an engineer. I didn’t want to be an engineer, I wanted to be a psychologist.  (in those days there was no such thing as a coach which I think is why I wanted to be a psychologist). We fought and fought, and eventually, I gave in. I went to school and got my degree.


I spent years wishing that I hadn’t done that. But really what was the point? I wasted so much of my life’s energy living with regret and wishing I had made a different choice and mentally berating myself for not following the path that I wanted.


But you know what? It’s done. It’s over. I was a pretty good engineer too and that degree opened up opportunities that I would never have had.


This experience forms part of who I am and I get to choose how I think about the past. I’ve learned to come to peace with that part of my life and guess what? It’s ok, I can be compassionate towards my younger self, accept that choice and then decide for the future.


It’s why I’m here talking to you. I’ve decided to be a coach and I love it. I’m a coach with an engineering degree and that’s given me a perspective on life that I would never have had. I accept my journey.


I’m curious what about you, what about your past would you like to let go off and stop fighting?


When you stop fighting and release all the fussing and wishing and regrets you will feel a weight drop from your shoulders. And it’s a relief.


Even more important than accepting your past, you can learn to accept yourself.


We’ve all got strengths and weaknesses. How do you define yourself and have you learned to accept who you are?


When you think of yourself, do you think about all the things “you aren’t” or all the things you’re no good at? Or do you accept that you’ve got faults or weaknesses and that you’ve made mistakes AND instead CHOOSE to focus on your strengths and gifts.


It doesn’t do you any good to focus on the parts of yourself that you judge as bad. What would be possible if you could compassionately accept yourself for who you are right now. Can you learn self-acceptance? Can you decide to think of yourself with kindness and compassion?


What do you notice when I ask you this? I’m really curious, can you think of yourself with kindness and self-acceptance? If your inner critic is raising a stink or if you’re riddled with self-doubt take time to go back and listen to episode number 3 of this podcast, How To Silence Self Doubt. I’ll pop the link in the show notes so you can queue it up next.


Now it’s time. You’re the only one who can decide when it’s time to accept yourself 100%.


More than anything I hope that you make this decision. Once you accept yourself then you will release a world of self-judgement. And in this, you will find that you are more accepting of everything else in your life. You will feel better, lighter, freer and even more relaxed.


So next week is going to be really powerful, we’re talking about the next (second pillar) of my foundation. All about your thoughts and why thoughts create your life and are the key to your success. I’m really looking forward to this….hope you tune in.


So guys, thanks so much for listening. I’m super excited to hear how this goes for you. Of course, you can do all of this on your own using all the information I’m giving you in these episodes.


But if you want more help, you want to feel better and make progress faster, I’d be honoured to be that coach who helps walk you step by step through start up to success.


Click on this link to find out more about how we can work together. I’m really looking forward to hearing from you.


Just a second now before we go I want to remind you that I want to celebrate the launch of this podcast and to thank you, my early listeners.


I’ll be giving away TWO $50 gift cards to some of my lucky listeners.


All you have to do to enter is leave a review on Apple Podcasts and then email me a screenshot of your entry


I’ll be doing the draw on Wednesday, September 16, 2020, live on Facebook.


Talk to you soon.


Featured on The Show:


  • To celebrate the launch of the show, I’m giving away Two $50 gift cards to some lucky listeners who leave a rating & review in Apple Podcasts. See above for how to enter


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Correction: This episode refers to "The Model." I'd like to rectify any errors or omissions by giving proper attribution and credit to the originators, Dr. Albert Ellis, who formulated REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy), and Dr. Aaron Beck, who incorporated it into CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). "The Model" and references to CTFAR should be more accurately referred to as "The CBT Model." CBT is a widely recognized and effective approach that helps individuals understand how their thought processes impact their daily lives.


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1 comment

  • Mary Sloane

    I really loved this message! It can be so hard sometimes to accept what is but if you don’t you can spend a lifetime struggling to do the impossible instead of accepting what is and working to find how you can benefit from it and move on.

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