Hi there and welcome to Episode #7 of She Coaches Coaches.
Today is part three in the 5-part Confident Coaches Success Framework that I use this with my clients to help them work their mindsets so they understand why they aren’t getting the results they want and how to make the gain awareness and shift so they can more consciously create those results in their life and business. We’re talking all about feelings today. Yep emotions. This is one of my favorite topics, and just like you I’m still deepening my learning about emotions. They aren’t something we used to talk about much when I was in my corporate day job. Emotions are like a language all their own, and they are central to how you experience everything. Yup, we’re going there!
Now before we get started let me share this note with. It’s from Coach Jasmine. When we coached together, she was a brand new coach who is an amazing communicator and has a powerful presence. You know as I read the kind words from my clients am so deeply touched and honored that I am part of their growth. Here’s what Coach Jasmine had to say.
“I’m so appreciative that I took the leap and started coaching with Candy. Before working together, I felt uninspired and was starting to believe I would never get unstuck. I wanted to make changes but I didn’t know where to start. As we started coaching I rediscovered my passion and energy for life. It’s because of this new energy that I’ve made changes that positively influenced me and those around me. I feel truly blessed to have Candy in my corner.”
Ok so let’s dive into today’s episode. The framework I use has 5 components. Let me remind you quickly about of the 5. I call these 5 pillars my Confident Coaches Success Framework. Episodes 5 and 6 cover the first two pillars, the links are below so you can listen to those after you’re done with this episode.
It’s a framework you can apply anywhere in your life, so the good thing is you can learn it here for your coaching business and you can also apply it in other areas of your life. Really learning how you create your results and how you can change the results you are creating by managing your thoughts is kind of like the keys to the kingdom. Every time I explain it to someone I feel inspired. Just like you I’m a coach and I love to continue to grow and expand. This framework is a big part of my growth.
So here they are – the 5 components of my Confident Coaches Success Framework
- Accept what is
- It’s always your thoughts
- Your feelings are your GPS (that’s where we are in this episode)
- Take intentional and inspired action
- What you see is what you’ve got or put another way. Be – Do – Have
This series of 5 episodes take this framework one small step at a time.
Before we jump in I wanted to talk to you. heart to heart.
I was sitting at my computer, thinking about what I wanted to say to you in this episode. And I realized that even though I want to talk about feelings, and emotions I don’t want to gloss over that this is work.
The work of becoming a coach, starting a coaching practice and getting clients can be challenging and it can take time and perseverance. I know that I’ve said accept yourself, accept your past and that your thoughts create your results. And this is all true. It’s exactly how the way the world works.
But it doesn’t make it easy. I know I can tell you that learning to accept yourself is important and it will free you. But if you’ve had a life of making choices that were hard, or if you’ve made choices that you regret it can take time and compassion and kindness to learn to accept who you are and to start loving yourself even a little.
I know I said your thoughts create your results…but just like me you’ve been choosing thoughts, many of them unconsciously for years. Changing your thoughts is possible, but it takes effort and a decision that you’re willing to do the work.
I believe in you and I believe that you CAN DO THIS. You can do the thought work and you can most certainly be a successful coach. But I don’t want you to think that I’m glib about this. This is meaningful work and you are important. So stick with me. We’ll get there together. You may not accept yourself right now…and that’s ok. It’s important that you’re honest about where you’re starting. AND at the same time you can begin to accept yourself. Small bits, small steps. I’ll be here beside you all along the way.
Sometimes that’s what a coach does right? And I think of myself as your coach. You’re listening, and you’re here…. so I’m your coach. Often I’ll hold the belief in my clients until you can start believing in yourself.
So here’s me, holding the belief for you right now.
Ok, so now, let’s talk about emotions.
Your emotions are created by the thoughts that you are having.
Have you ever walked into the kitchen and noticed that the air is filled with tension?
Or have you arrived late to a meeting and you know that something big just happened. That vibe is present, you may not be able to describe it…but you can feel it.
Or when you’re talking to someone and for some reason you feel so so comfortable, relaxed and accepted?
So those are a couple of quick examples of what it’s like to experience someone else’s emotion.
You are picking up on their emotional state.
You’re the same way. How you feel radiates off of you too.
So as new coach, you may have a sample session, or a consult, set up with a potential new client.
You might be feeling enthusiastic and inspired with the possibility
Or maybe you’re feeling tense, graspy and worried. Just know that how you feel will affect the conversation. And truthfully, it will affect whether that new client says yes to coaching with you.
If they feel uncomfortable, they are far less likely to want to hire you and spend time with you than if they feel like this is going to be a fun and fulfilling experience. It only makes sense right?
When I was a new coach, almost every single person that I had a sample session with said yes, they wanted to coach with me…. because I was so enthusiastic and open about meeting them and sharing what they could accomplish. Then after awhile, my jaded logical brain kicked in and I decided that it was going to be hard filling a coaching practice and next to impossible to find all the clients I needed for my certification process…my emotions started to dip and I felt nervous and worried that it wouldn’t work out…and guess what suddenly there were less people signing up.
And here’s the thing….it was nothing to do with the potential client and everything to do with how I was feeling and what I was thinking.
Ok so let’s pretend it’s time for you to do something for your coaching business. Maybe you want to send an email or invite someone to be your client.
Before you send the email or pick up the phone here’s what to do.
Take a deep breath and settle for a minute….slow inhale and now slow exhale. How are you feeling? One of my mentors, Elizabeth Salazar, reminds us that a feeling is a physical sensation in your body. What sensation do you have in your body? What’s the one word that describes it It’s ok if you can’t find the exact word to describe it and all you can think of is good or bad, happy or sad, mad or glad at this time.
When you’ve found a word that describes what you’re feeling in your body simply ask yourself. What am I thinking? Do you see how it circles back again to your thoughts just like we talked about in previous episodes?
Ok now you know what you’re thinking. Good for you growing this awareness is super important.
Now listen if you’re feeling super graspy and attached, that vibe will come through in your email or in your conversation, so you might want to shift your emotion to one that serves you better before you take the action. You do this by finding different thoughts.
I do this all the time and I keep a journal of thoughts that prime more supportive emotions. Take this podcast episode, before I start writing and recording I find a few thoughts that help me to feel more relaxed, generous and resourceful. Thoughts like, “I know exactly what to do next” or “sharing this will really help my listeners”.
When I think those thoughts, I feel more resourceful and helpful and then I get started.
You can take this exact same approach too. In a nutshell, take a slow deep breath. Ask yourself “how am I feeling?” Ask “does this feeling support my goal or not?” If needed, shift your thoughts slightly until you feel more aligned and then you’re ready to take action.
Don’t worry, we’ll talk more about specific helpful thoughts in the future. Right now all you need to do is become more conscious of your feelings and the thoughts you’re thinking that create them.
So next week is going to be another interesting episode, we’re talking about the next (fourth pillar) of my Confident Coaches Success Framework. All about action. It’s not just what you do, It’s how you do it. How are you feeling while you do a task. Because what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling while you take action totally affects the results you get. If you’ve always wondered why you’re not getting the results you want, this next episode will help you understand and help you know what to do to change.
So guys, I so appreciate that you are here with me, following along and listening learning and I hope you’re applying this stuff too. I’m super excited to hear how this goes for you.
Of course you can do all of this on your own using all the information I’m giving you in these episodes.
But if you want more help, you want to feel better and make progress faster, I’d be honored to be your coach.
it really is so much easier to do this work when you work with someone else who's objective and skilled at facilitating the process. It's someone who doesn't let you use your excuses, kind of calls you on your BS a little bit. That's what I do as a coach. I help you to bring yourself out of confusion, self doubt and indecision and move forward on your goals
Click on the link in this episode to find out more about how we can work together. I’m really looking forward to hearing from you.
Also, head on over to the link in the show notes. I’d love to hear from you, leave a comment with questions that you have or ideas for future episodes that you’d like me to talk about. It’s important to me that you get the help you need. So let’s continue this conversation over on the episode webpage.
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