Your Thoughts Are Key. Think Better And Live Better Ep: 002
In this episode, we talk about how important your thoughts are to your success in becoming a coach and starting a new coaching business from scratch. Your thoughts fuel your emotions. If you want to feel better, then you want to understand how you are thinking. I give you a simple 5-minute exercise to help you feel calm and clear.
Hi there – welcome to Episode #002 of She Coaches Coaches. We’re just getting started.
In the last episode, I mentioned that clarity, courage, confidence are some powerful qualities and will make your journey to being a successful coach so much faster and more enjoyable.
These qualities have a common theme to them. They are all emotions. Much of the coaching that I do focuses on The Model that originated as The Cognitive Model with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).
So why does this matter that confidence, courage, clarity are emotions? Well, it’s because each feeling that we have is actually created by our thoughts.
When you feel better (energized, inspired, satisfied, proud, confident) your vibe is better and the actions you take will create better results.
I’ve got a little example so I can show you what I mean.
The situation: You’ve got a consult or a sample session lined up with a potential client.
First, imagine you’re feeling bummed out and frustrated. You’ve been having a tough time and now everything and everyone is getting on your nerves. You snap at your partner, grumble at the kids and your shoulders are hiked up around your ears. Now it’s time for you to meet that potential new client…you try to have a conversation but the frustration is still rolling off you in waves…and not so surprisingly the conversation doesn’t go well.
Second, let’s try it a different way…you’re feeling bummed and frustrated, and you take time to see what’s going on, why are you feeling this way. You get curious and see how your thoughts created this feeling. Maybe you’ve been saying to yourself….oh, I don’t think I can keep this up, nothing is going my way, I’m jinxed. Wait a minute, no wonder you’re feeling so frustrated when you talk to yourself like that…right?. Now shift your thinking just a smidge, start by taking a breath (inhale and then exhale – do it with me) do you feel how with one breath you can calm yourself? Yup me too. then think instead…this is important to me, I am learning how to attract coaching clients. Let’s just see how this conversation goes. I bet I can help her? Now when I say that to myself my shoulders drop just a little and my clenched stomach releases. When I feel better, my whole approach is different. I’m more relaxed and open, more curious about how I can help this potential client and she feels that too. The result…I expect you to connect way better, you have a great conversation and you are the coach that you want to be.
So let’s talk a little bit more about thoughts.
We have somewhere around 60,000 – 80,000 thoughts in a day. Many of them are running below the surface of our awareness. They are automatic thoughts that our brain is used to running and we don’t even notice them, nor consciously think of them. Our brain likes to take the “easy path”, it’s lazy and it wants to save energy. These habit thoughts have a certain momentum to them, it’s like a snowball rolling downhill. It starts out slow and then as gravity pulls on it, it grows and goes faster and faster. These thoughts are easy to think, (they take little energy) because your brain has created the habit and put them on autopilot
The easiest way to start getting some awareness of our thoughts is to write them down. This is journaling, but it’s journaling with a specific purpose.
When you know what’s going on in your mind….then you can get clarity for why you feel the way you do.
So if you’re plagued with self-doubt, you are thinking thoughts that further fuel that doubt. Your thoughts running through your brain might be something like this:
I have to remember to pick up the dry cleaning
Don’t forget I need to wax my legs
You dummy you forgot last time
I can’t believe he said that
I hope I can find some coaching clients
I don’t know what to do.
I can't believe I spent all this money on coach training and I have no clients.
How will I ever make this work?
I’m so tired
I better get to work on the quarterly report – it’s due Friday
I don’t know how I’ll find the time to….
Did you notice that I talk about you and your brain as if they are separate entities? I do this on purpose. I’ve learned that this helps me to realize that I am more than my thoughts and that my thoughts are just that….thoughts….sentences that are running through my brain.
When you know what you’re thinking, then you can begin to understand why it’s no fun, why you’re bummed out or why you’re inspired. Your brain is thinking the thoughts that create these feelings.
Your thoughts are words strung together in sentences. They are your opinion, your knee jerk reflex reaction to something.
And here's’ where it gets really interesting, you can change your thoughts. When you shift your thoughts, even slightly, you can change the emotion you experience. So you can shift to dejected to neutral or from neutral to certain.
You can use your own thoughts to defuse a bad mood and it doesn’t take long.
As a new coach, you might be thinking
“I don’t even know where to start”
Which for me anyway creates a feeling of confusion and overwhelm. When I’m confused, I don’t do anything….which isn’t helpful as a new coach starting out.
Instead, if I thought
“I bet I can figure this out”. I feel determined. When I’m determined I decide and take action….which helps me grow my coaching practice and find clients.
Try it for yourself. How do you feel when you say “I don’t even know where to start”
Then take a breath and try on this thought “ I bet I can figure it out” …Now how do you feel?
See what I mean, the same situation but I bet you’ve got an idea to try when you decide you can figure it out.
I do this thought work too, and I highly recommend it to come to a more open clean feeling. When you feel open and clear you will have better ideas and experience way less resistance and have more enjoyment.
I’ve got a 5-step process that I would highly recommend you do daily. Yup every single day. Our minds, The junk drawer in our metaphorical kitchen has been filling up for years, it takes time to clean it out.
1. set a time for 5 minutes
2. Grab a fresh sheet of paper and a pen. Sit down, with a pen and a blank sheet of paper and take dictation.
3. Take dictation from your brain. write sentences until the timer goes off (clean out the junk drawer You’ve done this too right? Oh look I didn’t know I had a corkscrew in the back of this drawer. Hey, I forgot about these cute little napkin rings. Hey look, packets of soya sauce, ketchup, chopsticks……oh more soya sauce. Here’s the receipt for the coffee maker.)
4. Then write a T beside each of the sentences that you wrote.. Then look at the sheet and notice all the T’s. By doing this you are reminding yourself, these are my thoughts…they are neither true nor false.
5. Look at what you’ve written and remind yourself these are thoughts. Other people have thoughts too, and they will have different thoughts about the exact same situation. (remember I don’t know where to start vs I bet I can figure this out”
It helps to do this at the same time every day. If you forget, don’t worry just start again, right now. It’s only for 5 minutes!
Creating awareness is a massive step to creating confidence. When you know what you’re thinking it clears your brain out so you can relax and realize how much of the lack of confidence is because you are berating yourself in your head.
Confidence is a feeling that is created by the thoughts you are thinking and the best way to know what you’re thinking is to take dictation and do one of these thought downloads.
So guys, thanks so much for listening. I’m super excited to hear how this goes for you. If you don’t have someone who is walking you step by step through the process of becoming a coach, I’d be honoured to be that coach who helps walk you step by step through start-up to success.
Click on the link in this episode to find out more about how we can work together. I’d love to hear from you >>> Let's work together
Featured on this Show:
Brooke Castillo – The Life Coach School
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Correction: This episode refers to "The Model." I'd like to rectify any errors or omissions by giving proper attribution and credit to the originators, Dr. Albert Ellis, who formulated REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy), and Dr. Aaron Beck, who incorporated it into CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). "The Model" and references to CTFAR should be more accurately referred to as "The CBT Model." CBT is a widely recognized and effective approach that helps individuals understand how their thought processes impact their daily lives.