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What Is Confidence Ep: 004





Today we’re going to talk about confidence. What exactly is confidence?  Why is confidence important for you as you become a coach and start attracting clients to create a coaching business and how do you get it.

 I’ve got a different way of looking at confidence, and I know you’re going to find it refreshing. so let’s get started.

 Before we get started I want to give a warm thank you to the behind the scenes team that helped me create this podcast. Specifically, I wanted to give a huge shout out to Michelle Abraham and Troy Lacher of Amplify You. I’ve wanted to create a podcast for months, and truthfully, I could have done it on my own.  But I decided that I wanted some help. I reached out to Michelle and I have to tell you her team has saved me HOURS and HOURS of experimenting and frustration.  They are genuine experts and incredibly helpful. 

If you’ve ever thought you might like to have a podcast, check out the website. I’ve popped the link to their website below.

 Ok let’s dive in on today’s episode

So why is confidence important for new coaches.

 Here’s what I’ve heard:

 What if I run out of questions during a coaching call

  • I don’t know how to do a coaching call…what if I screw it up
  • How do I find clients
  • I don’t know the perfect name to call my business
  • How do I tell people I’m a coach.
  • What niche should I choose?
  • I’m scared of making a mistake

When you hear all these – the first thing I notice is they are questions that come because the coach is new. They’ve never been a coach before, never created a business, never signed clients, never coached someone and charged for it.

There’s a whole feeling of “new”.  And with the “new” there is an underlying feeling of nervous, worried, self-doubt. It might sound like this

I don’t know how (uncertain)

I might screw up (self-doubt)

I don’t know the right way (self-doubt)

What if I make a mistake and look stupid. (vulnerable)

Often a new coach waits or holds back because they’re nervous. I know I sure did.

 This holding back may look like procrastinating “I’ll do it later…” or it may look like “doing research” or “looking for more information”.

I bet there are many areas in your life where you feel confident. A lot of it might be the day to day activities that you take for granted now, but I bet you didn’t’ always assume you would good at them. Consider how you felt when you were 

  • Learning to drive
  • Getting a promotion
  • Starting at College
  • Your first apartment
  • The first time you were a Mom (or Dad) 

These are some big achievements but what about these simpler examples 

  • Learning how to cook dinner
  • Paying your first electric bill
  • Changing a light
  • Cleaning the bathroom 

Or even 

  • Making scrambled eggs
  • Making a cup of coffee
  • Pouring a glass of water
  • Tying your shoes

I bet you weren’t confident when you started doing any of these things. Both the large and the small. Confidence rises and falls. You may be confident in creating budgets and managing complex projects while at the same time you may not be as confident leading a presentation. You may be confident in talking to a friend about their life, but not at all confident for your first “official” coaching session with a client.

We make the mistake of thinking confidence comes because of the “doing”. We think it’s because of taking action over and over and eventually getting good at something.

 But this isn’t the case, and this is where my approach is different. Confidence doesn’t come from doing and finally getting good. Confidence is a feeling. 

 And all of your feelings are created by your thoughts.

 Let me give you a personal example

I started ballet as an adult. I think I was about 39  or 40 when I first started. I joined a class for adults, and I LOVED IT.

 I told my teacher how much I enjoyed it and she made a radical suggestion.

She invited me to join a class of teenagers and really dive into learning ballet and training.

 So listen, I was 40 (yes 40) and I joined a class of 12-13-year-old girls. It was hard! I had to wrap my ego up in a fuzzy little blanket and there were countless times I had to talk myself into getting out of the car and walking into the ballet studio because I felt like a laughing stock. I used all the tools I spoke about in Episode 3 of this podcast: How To Silence Self Doubt.

I started slow, and I kept showing up, I put in the work and practised

Remember, I had a reason to show up. I loved it and I kept reminding myself that I was improving, I was learning and that it was possible for me to do this. I thought “you can do this Candy”.

 The girls were gracious. (if there’s anything I’ve learned is that “kids these days” are gracious, wonderful and kind-hearted)

Since then I danced ballet for over 15 years and in that time I became confident. Not because I was very good, but because of how I thought about myself and how I thought about learning ballet. (for those of you who don’t know me in person I’m short and round) nothing like the long lean ballerina body and yes, I’ve been on stage countless times, taken 4 RAD (Royal Academy of Dance) ballet exams, I’ve even danced on pointe. 

 These experiences opened up for me because I was willing to feel uncomfortable. I grew my confidence. I learned the language of ballet and at some point (I don’t even know when) I went from a woman who had a very strange habit of taking ballet classes to a dancer. I trusted myself and my ability to succeed.

Confidence is defined by The Google as a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.

Even The Google says it’s a feeling.

 My ballet story gives you some hints about how to become confident and we’ll talk more about confidence and clarity and courage in the coming weeks and I’ll show you how to create the results you want. How to start your coaching business, I show you where to start and how to attract clients.

In the meantime, think about my ballet story, and see how you can use some of the nuggets today. Get in touch with your vision, your reason for doing it, realize that you’ll probably feel silly or nervous before you can become confident. Create courage and clarity with your thoughts. Then use that courage to get started and keep showing up and practising.

It’s helpful to keep in mind all of your past experience because it helps to give you a perspective that you will get better.

Remind yourself of the things that you’ve done the place where you grew your confidence in the past.  You create confidence by creating courage through your thoughts first, then you reinforce confidence in yourself by practising your thoughts as you take action and learn.

 You’ve done it before; we’re just going to learn how to do this more consciously so you can start getting the results you want intentionally.

 Starting laying the groundwork to begin trusting yourself, and your own experience as you grow into the successful coach you will be.

 You’ve got your entire life experience, skills, interests and abilities and I know you will bring them all to your clients as you coach them

So guys, thanks so much for listening. I’m super excited to hear how this goes for you. You can do this on your own using all the information I’m giving you.

But if you want more help and you don’t want to do it all by yourself, I’d be honoured to be that coach who helps walk you step by step through start-up to success.

Click on the link in this episode to find out more about how we can work together. I’d love to hear from you

Just a second now before we go I want to remind you that I want to celebrate the launch of this podcast and to thank you, my early listeners.

I’ll be giving away TWO $50 gift cards to some of my lucky listeners.

 All you have to do to enter is leave a review on Apple Podcasts and then email me a screenshot of your entry

I’ll be doing the draw on Wednesday, September 16, 2020, live on Facebook. So go ahead and listen and leave a review. 

Talk to you soon.

Featured on The Show:

  • To celebrate the launch of the show, I’m giving away Two $50 gift cards to some lucky listeners who leave a rating & review in Apple Podcasts. See above for how to enter.
  • Episode 3: How To Silence Self Doubt
  • To learn more about starting your own podcast, connect with Michelle Abraham at visit
  • To learn more about how we can work together. Click HERE

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Correction: This episode refers to "The Model." I'd like to rectify any errors or omissions by giving proper attribution and credit to the originators, Dr. Albert Ellis, who formulated REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy), and Dr. Aaron Beck, who incorporated it into CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). "The Model" and references to CTFAR should be more accurately referred to as "The CBT Model." CBT is a widely recognized and effective approach that helps individuals understand how their thought processes impact their daily lives.


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