Hey Coaches, How are you? I’m so glad you’re here and welcome to the next episode of She Coaches Coaches. In this episode we’re going to talk about you, your self-image and why it’s important to your success as a coach.
Earlier this week I was on a group coaching call and one of the other people commented: “Candy, your hair looks great today”. My immediate reaction was, “What? Who me?. My hair looks the way it always does, I’m not sure if it’s standing on end because I’ve been running my hands through it. I think it’s time to get another haircut and dye my grey again?”
This is the perfect example of what we’re going to talk about today. This self-deprecating tendency. I thought I had outgrown it but obviously, I still have work to do on my thoughts.
Does this sound familiar to you too?
How often do you receive a compliment, and you brush it off? “Oh, this old thing.” When someone compliments your outfit.
or “Who me?” When someone compliments you on something you’ve done or a characteristic.
Why do we do that? Deflecting, shrinking or making yourself less noticeable is a habit that we’ve picked up.
For some reason, I think it’s more common among women, but maybe not, maybe men have the same tendency. I’d love to hear from the men who listen to this podcast. Click through to the episode page, you can find it in the show notes and leave a comment.
I tell myself it’s because of society’s message about being a ‘good girl’ or “nice woman”. And that maybe we heard and internalized some of these messages growing up, but now that we’re adults we get to choose.
So, what does this have to do with becoming a successful coach?
When you don’t acknowledge compliments and let them sink in, you continue to tell yourself that you’re not good enough.
And if you can’t accept a compliment, about your hair or an outfit you’re wearing, my guess is that you also don’t accept and own your unique strengths and genius.
Every individual is different, that means each coach is unique too. Of course, we’re trained and we practice our coaching skills, but the flavor of our coaching is always affected by who we are.
Some coaches have a talent to love their clients, others see to the heart of the matter, some are intuitive and some are straight-shooters who’s gift is to help their client see with clarity and power.
What happens to these coaches when they don’t own their genius?
The coach whose superpower is love. Will water it down and it may become people-pleasing.
The coach who is a genius at pinpointing the heart of the matter shies away from sharing that vision with their client in case they’re wrong.
And the gifted straight-shooter measures their words with maybe’s, should’s and could’s. They use conditional language, and their clients never get the full power of crystal clear clarity.
The result from coaching with someone who doesn’t own their own gifts is that clients miss out, and more importantly, they don’t get permission to be more fully themselves and to celebrate their strengths..
When the coach doesn’t own their genius, their clients have a much harder time owning theirs. Remember coach goes first. The more growth and alignment you have as a coach means you are available to help your clients even better.
So, what do we do?
It begins with self-love. Now if you kind of clenched up when you heard me say self-love don’t worry. I’m not saying you have to love yourself with a capital L to get past this habit, what I am saying is that moving towards (step by step, in the direction) of self acceptance and self respect will make all the difference.
You might need to hit the rewind 15 sec button and listen to that again. Or maybe you want to listen to this episode a couple of times. I keep these episodes short on purpose, so you can get what you need.
So yah, self-acceptance and self-respect are emotions. The amazing thing is that we can choose our emotions.
Now, if this is the first time you’ve heard this concept that we can choose our emotions, just know that I am here for you. It can be mind bending to think in this way. And even though initially you may think. What!?!?!? What is she talking about? She’s got no idea what my life is like. How dare she say that.”
I’m 100% behind you here, I want you to know I’m on your side. I felt the same way when I first heard this, and everyone else that I know also felt the same…kind of frustrated, kind of irritated, kind of dismissive, kind of defensive.
It’s ok, all I ask is that you entertain the possibility that this might be true.
Consider that it’s possible that you have more control over how you feel, than you might originally assume.
It’s not exactly like the simple “just add water” instant instructions you may have followed but you do have way more power, control and choice about how you feel than you may give yourself credit for.
And this is a good thing. Actually, it’s a great thing. Because if this is true, now stick with me on this. You have more control over your life, than you might have been led to believe. You get to choose. You’re not at the mercy of a cranky co-worker or stressed-out boss. And just because your partner is being a jerk doesn’t mean that you have to feel bad. You get to choose.
So I hope that you’re willing to entertain this concept. You can pick how you feel. Play around with it for yourself, listen to more of my episodes and see how much better you feel when you’re the one calling the shots on your life.
Now, let’s get back to self-acceptance and self-respect. If it’s actually possible that you have more control over how you feel, how do you cultivate more of this kind of emotion for yourself?
Well, the easiest way to begin this is to decide. Yes, actually make a decision that you’re going to begin practicing feelings of self acceptance or self respect.
Chose the one that feels the easiest for you. The one that creates the least mental drama.
For me, self-acceptance feels softer. It means I ditch the judgement and simply see and allow what is.
Self-respect feels slightly stronger. For me self-respect involves allowing what is and includes regard or esteem or value.
Have you made your choice? Good!
I’m going to pretend you chose self-acceptance. So play along with me here.
If I want to feel more self-acceptance, here’s what I do. I sit quietly for a few seconds and take a relaxed deep breathe, I think “self-acceptance” and settle into my body. Then I take another relaxed deep breath, then I think “self- acceptance” again. I might practice like this for 15-30 seconds it doesn’t take long.
Let’s do it together Ok
If you’re driving and you can safely pull over do so. I want to stay safe, don’t take any risks. If you’re busy or in the middle of something, and you can, sit down for a minute or stand still.
Ok gentle deep inhale and a relaxed exhale.
Now breathe again a gentle inhale and a relaxed exhale.
We’ll do this a couple of more times.
Breath. Self-acceptance. Breathe.
Do you feel a shift in your body, a relaxation. an allowing? Do you remember a time when you felt some self-acceptance. Good, you’re on the right path. See if you can notice does this feel like self acceptance to you?
For me it feels relaxed, I feel attentive and observant too,
You’re doing great.
Ok now that you’re in this space.
Ask yourself, what am I thinking?
Your brain will gladly hand you a few thoughts.
They might sound something like this:
- I’m doing ok
- I’ve always done my best
- I’m a good person
- I’ve got this
- I don’t have to rush
Now write the thoughts that come up for you, your thoughts, in your journal.
Then from time to time, practice the feeling of self-acceptance – make it a game. Just because you can, and because it feels good.
Here’s a couple of ways to practice:
- You can either do the breath “think self acceptance” breathe exercise that we just did together.
- Or go back to your journal, read one those thoughts slowly and practice feeling (like really noticing) how you’re body feels. Conjure up that feeling of self acceptance.
As I said, make it a game or an experiment. Let’s just see what happens. The more you tap into that emotion of self acceptance, the more easily you will be able to access it. Over time, you will find it is “natural” and then you might not even remember that had to practice that feeling before.
Remember our brains love to put things on auto-pilot. Gentle, fun practice will help to make that feeling of self acceptance more of a habit.
Finally, accepting and learning to respect yourself, will mean that you also will begin to more easily allow and accept your gifts and superpowers. This will benefit both you and your coaching clients. You’re going to show up more as you, the true aligned authentic version of you fully in your genius. And when you’re in that place, you will without a doubt attract more clients that are a perfect fit and you’re going to be able to help your clients in the best way possible too.
Hey, If you’re listening to these episodes and you’re a new coach, I can help you. Maybe you want to be a coach or you’re new and you’re not quite sure where to start or exactly what to do next. You might be feeling overwhelmed stuck or confused about how to start getting your first (or your next) clients. If you’re thinking of hiring a coach, we should chat. Let’s see if it’s time for us to work together.
There’s a link in the episode notes about how to schedule a consult with me. I’d love to hear from you.
Oh, and one more thing before you leave! I want to tell you about a gift I offer to all my listeners. It’s my free resource library, and it’s filled with content I created to help you grow and become a coach. I call it The Coaches Online Business Academy and here’s how it works.
Sign up for your free account and you get immediate access to all my free resources and yeah there’s a lot of them,
All you have to do, is go to the episode description or the show notes and click on the link to sign up today. And that’s it.
I’m happy to share this with you. It’s one of the ways I support my community and support the growth of coaching.
So that’s it for today friends. Come listen again next week, I can’t wait to chat with you then.
Featured on The Show:
- Free Resource Library: The Coaches Online Business Academy
- Click here to find out how to work with me
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I really like this episode a lot – I can really connect with everything you said because for me personally self-acceptance was the major milestone I reached being coached one-on-one by you. And from that place, from that new perspective of mine, everything else around building my coaching business feels easier and more natural to my genuine self. Thanks a lot Candy:) Self-acceptance was really a game-changer for me:)
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