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I'm A Hot Mess Ep:012

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Hey Friends, How are you today? I’m so excited you’re here. It’s time for Episode 12.  Today I’m answering one of the most common questions I hear from aspiring coaches.  “How can I be a good life coach, I’m a hot mess?” 

But before we go there, I can’t believe we’re already at Episode 12. I thought about creating this podcast for months!  And now I realize that it’s been live for 3 months already. Amazing. 

This is too funny; I have to share this with you. It’s a beautiful October day and the field behind my home is filled with migrating snow geese. They are honking and calling and generally just carrying on.  So, if you hear noise, that’s what’s going on for me. 

One of the things that excites me the most is looking at where my listeners are tuning in. I was completely blown away when I found out how many countries are represented.  Guess how many???? Just guess…Ok I’ll tell you, people from 29 countries have tuned in. I’m thrilled – thank you so much for listening! 

The best part, in some countries there’s only been one or two listeners, but that makes is so much more special to me.  These are the countries I want to name today, the ones where there have been only one or two listeners. If your country is called now, just know I’m sending you a giant thank you and big shout out. 

I love to travel, and since we’re in the midst of Co-vid19 this list helps to remind of all the special places I’d love to see. 

Places like:

Costa Rica


Dominican Republic





Sint Maarten



Saudi Arabia

South Africa



Ok let’s get on with this week’s episode.  

So here’s what I’m talking about today. I’ve heard this comment so often. 

It sounds like this: 

I can’t be a life coach, my life is a hot mess. 


Who do I think I’m fooling, I can’t become a successful life coach until I get my life together. (pssst that’s usually short hand for I need to wait for my life to be perfect to become a coach) 

Do you hear the worry, the self doubt and the lack of confidence? Yeah me too. 

When I hear this thought from a new coach or someone who is thinking of becoming a coach, what I also hear is: 

I’m not good enough. 

When I’m perfect then I can do what I want. 

I should wait just a little bit longer until this messy time in my life is over. 

If you haven’t listened to Episode 3 then I would highly recommend that you do so. I’ll pop the link into the show notes to make it easy for you to find. 

Episode 3 is called How to Silence Self Doubt and I spoke about your inner critic. The inner voice that has one purpose, to keep you small and safe. 

Those three sentences…the ones that started with I’m not good enough. When I’m perfect…I should wait those are the voice of your inner critic whispering in your ear. 

It’s just a sneaky little way that your brain tries to keep you safe, comfortable and secure. Becoming a new and more fulfilled version of you as a coach takes energy and there’s risk too. You might feel vulnerable. People may not agree with you, they might even judge you. 

No wonder your inner critic wants nothing more than to hold you back from taking this risk. 

Take heart and know that as long as you are mentally healthy, you can become a coach and know too that your challenges make you the most valuable coach for your clients. If you could see my notes you’d see when I said the most it’s underlined and bold and here’s why. 

We’ve all got challenges and because we do we have more compassion for others having experiencing a tough time too. 

Plus, the challenges you’ve overcome mean you are the perfect guide for someone else. You’ve been where they are, you know how it felt and you’ve got that 2020 hindsight, that perspective of what it’s like once you’re past it. 

There’s no one better to help someone than the person who knows what it’s like and has overcome it themselves. 

You don’t need to have your act together, and you certainly don’t need to be perfect to become a coach and help people. 

If you are mentally well then there are people who could use your help. If you are having mental health issues, don’t worry, take care of yourself first. Just like on an airplane, put your own oxygen mask on first and get some help. Seek therapy and when you’re well come back and decide what you’d like to do. 

In addition to appreciating what your clients are going through I think there’s value in remembering some of the roles a coach has. There are 4 roles’ that I’m going to talk about here. They are:

  1. Listen
  2. Care
  3. Curious
  4. Believe


First a coach’s role is to listen. Listen to the conversation, hear the words your client uses and also listen to what’s underneath those words and what’s not being said. 

Second a coach’s role is to care for you clients. Even love them in their humanness. For many a coaching session is the only place in their life that they’re accepted and cared for without judgement. They don’t have to do something different or say something in a different way or be quiet to be cared about. 

A third quality, coaches are curious, and they ask powerful questions to help the client think in a new way. Asking and then letting the client have that “aha” moment or perhaps showing them their blind spot so they can understand why they are getting those results right now. 

Fourth, as a coach you want to believe in them and their ability to get the results they want. You hold that vision for them, and you know they can do it. It may take time, and there will be ups and downs along the road, but they CAN do it. 

Do you see what I mean, nowhere in those 4 aspects does it say, the coach needs to have the perfect life? It also doesn’t say, the coach is never anxious, worried or nervous either. Right? 

Noooo, the coach is human and that human to human connection is the spot where all the good coaching takes place. 

If you the coach are having a challenging time you get to put your own worries to the side and focus on your client and listen, care, curiously probe and believe in their potential. 

The coach is there for the client.  Sometimes if you, the coach are having a tough time you can be that much more compassionate for your client’s challenges and you can use that coaching time to get out of your own head too and just be with your client. 

It’s surprisingly kind of like having a mini break because one of the best ways to put your own troubles aside is to think about someone else, focus on them and how you can help them. You can only hold one thought at a time so when you’re thinking about your client you won’t be thinking of your own problems. 

Coaching is a helping profession just with less academics than many of the other helping careers. 

Can you imagine a doctor or a therapist saying, no I can’t help you today.  I’ve been fighting with my teenager. I’m having a bad day go away and come back another day when I feel better.  Of course not, right? 

Now there may be times, in a family emergency or something major, but normally the ups and downs of life happen and the therapist and the doctor have them too and they still show up to help you. 

Remember, therapists always have their own therapists – they do their own work. And good coaches have their own coaches to work through their issues too. 

You will become a good coach, when you learn coaching skills and practice coaching. Not when your life is less messy. You’ll probably start out as not very good (remember those Levels of Learning from Episode 10?) but with time and practice you will get better. It’s ok for you to be a beginner baby coach and grow into the role. 

Thanks for tuning in and make sure that you hit the subscribe button since that’s way you’ll be first to get all future episodes. 

Hey, If you don’t have someone who is helping you walk step by step through the process of becoming a coach please reach out to me and let’s talk. I’ve got room for a few more private clients. You can click on the link in the show notes. 

So that’s it for today and before we wrap up, I want to tell you about my free resource library. I created to help you become a coach.  It’s called The Coaches Online Business Academy and here’s how it works. 

You sign up for your free account and you get immediate access to a whole bunch of resources and yeah it’s all free. I’ve got a quiz to help you narrow down your niche, a pre-recorded 5-day training to kickstart your coaching business, and a whole bunch of PDF guides. Including 147 proven coaching niches, a checklist for what you need to do as a brand-new coach just starting out and ideas for places to find paying clients plus more. 

Each month I add more free resources and you’ll get notified when I add them.  I’m so pleased to be able to share this with you.

To get access, click on the link in the show notes and sign up today.

We’ll talk to you soon. 

Episode Description 

In this episode, I answer the question “How can I be a life coach when my life is a mess?”  It’s a worry I hear a lot from aspiring coaches. Let’s put it to rest once and for all. Plus, don’t forget to sign up for my FREE resource library The Coaches Online Business Academy. Listen to find out how.

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