Inner Critic Coaching Business: How to Turn Your Inner Bully Into Your Best Friend
Most coaches know they have an inner critic. What fewer coaches realize is that they're the one running it. The voice that says you're not ready, not good enough, not worthy of charging what you're worth? You've been saying it to yourself on repeat, probably for decades. And according to Laura Jane Layton, author of the children's book series Suddenly Finds a Superpower, that makes you the bully.
In this episode of She Coaches Coaches, Candy Motzek sits down with Laura Jane to talk about why negative self-talk runs so deep for coaches and high achievers and what it actually takes to change it without toxic positivity, without affirmations you don't believe, and without pretending the voice isn't there.
Why Coaches Call It an Inner Critic When It's Actually a Bully
Laura Jane uses the term inner bully for a reason. It reframes the problem in a way that makes the solution clearer. We all know what bullies do. And we all know that the way to deal with a bully isn't to pretend they don't exist. It's to change the relationship.
"I want to turn my bully into my best friend," she says.
She shares the story of a boss she once worked for who she was ready to quit over. When she finally told the boss how she felt, their relationship transformed completely. The same thing is possible with the voice in your head. Not by silencing it. By talking to it differently.
For coaches, this matters enormously. The inner bully shows up when you're about to raise your prices. It shows up before a discovery call. It shows up when you're about to post something real and honest online. Learning to work with it rather than fight it is one of the most practical things a coach can do for their business.
The Baby Step Approach to Changing Your Self-Talk
One of the most useful frameworks in this conversation is Laura Jane's baby step approach to shifting self-talk. Most self-help advice tells you to go straight from "I can't do this" to "I can do this." But that jump is too big for most people. It doesn't feel honest. And if it doesn't feel honest, the brain rejects it.
Laura Jane's approach is more gradual and more effective because of it.
"I haven't known this in the past, but I can learn. I am learning this. I am getting better at this. I can do this."
Each step has to feel true. You take the next step only when the current one feels solid. This isn't weakness. It's how real confidence is built, one believable thought at a time.
For coaches who struggle with imposter syndrome, this is a direct and practical tool. You don't have to believe you're an expert. You just have to find the next honest thought you can actually stand behind.
Build Your Own Measuring Stick
One of the quietest sources of coaching business struggle is using the wrong measuring stick. Most of us are measuring ourselves against a standard someone else gave us. A parent. A teacher. A culture that says success looks a specific way.
Laura Jane is clear on this. Your measuring stick has to be yours. And it has to evolve as you do.
"I felt like I was my authentic self five or six years ago. I'm not that same person. Does that mean I wasn't authentic? No, it means I've grown."
For coaches, this is worth sitting with. If you're measuring your progress against someone else's timeline or someone else's version of success, you're going to feel behind no matter what you do. The fix isn't to work harder. It's to get clear on what success actually means to you right now.
Why Journaling in the Moment Changes Everything
Laura Jane is a strong advocate for journaling, but with one important distinction. Don't wait until the end of the day. Journal in the moment, right after a trigger happens.
"Right after you've experienced that trigger, okay, I just walked out of that meeting, and I am red hot angry. I am going to sit down and figure out what that trigger was."
The goal is to trace it back. Where did it start? How far back were you still in control? And once you know that, how do you prevent getting swept away next time?
She also makes the point that journaling isn't just for the hard moments. Journaling about what went right is equally powerful. When you understand how you created a good outcome, you can recreate it.
Her advice on the format is refreshingly practical. Handwriting has research behind it. But the best journaling method is the one you'll actually do. She keeps a journal in her purse. She uses voice notes as a reminder when the journal isn't handy. Whatever keeps you in the practice is the right tool.
The Oxygen Mask Principle for Coaches
One of the most memorable moments in this conversation is Laura Jane's take on the oxygen mask metaphor. We've all heard it. Put your mask on before helping others. But she takes it further.
Picture a two-year-old on a plane. Something drops from the ceiling. If a parent grabs it and shoves it on the child's face without context, the child panics. But if every adult around them calmly puts their mask on and then turns to the child, the child follows without fear.
"When we can show people how to put ourselves first and what it feels like and what it looks like, they have more of an opportunity to do it themselves."
For coaches, this is the real argument for doing your own inner work. It isn't just about you. It's about what you model for your clients, your family, and everyone watching you build something real.
Key Takeaways
- You're not being bullied by your inner critic. You've become the bully. And that means you also have the power to change the relationship.
- Jumping straight from "I can't" to "I can" doesn't work if it doesn't feel honest. Take the next believable step instead.
- Build your own measuring stick. Measuring your progress against someone else's standard will always make you feel behind.
- Journal in the moment right after a trigger. Waiting until the end of the day means you've lost the detail that makes the reflection useful.
- When you model self-kindness and do your own inner work, you give everyone around you permission to do the same.
Ready to Build a Coaching Business That Feels Like Yours?
Grab the free course, Stop Guessing and Start Signing Clients, and get clear on your next step: https://candymotzek.lpages.co/vfo/
Download the free Coaching Business Insights Report 2026 for real data on what's working for coaches right now: https://candymotzek.lpages.co/business-growth-survey/
Ready to stop faffing about and build a thriving coaching practice? Book a free 30-minute call: https://stepintosuccessnow.com/
About Laura Jane Layton:
Laura Jane Layton is the driving force behind The Laura Jane Layton Show, a podcast designed to support women in corporate leadership as they navigate the challenges of career demands, self-doubt, and burnout. With a deep understanding of the pressures that come with high-achieving roles, Laura Jane creates a space where listeners feel seen, understood, and empowered to silence their inner bully. Each episode delivers candid conversations, actionable insights, and thought-provoking discussions with experts and inspiring guests. Her warm, relatable approach makes every listener feel like they're sitting down with a trusted friend, one who encourages them to shift their inner dialogue, reclaim their energy, and embrace a more fulfilling life.
Web: www.TheLauraJaneLaytonShow.com
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/LauraJaneLayton
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