Episode 77: The Five Faces of Fear
Hello there. Welcome back. I'm so glad you're here today. We're going to talk about something a little bit uncomfortable and for some of us, it might be really uncomfortable.
If you haven't listened to the last episode, I explained that I'm doing a small number of, so it's focused on fear and it was because at the beginning of this year, I sat back and I had a real close look at what was going on with my clients, my past clients and my present clients.
What was happening? Where were they getting the results they wanted, where weren't they? And there was this one underlying commonality.
It was fear.
Fear was the thing that was stopping them from moving forward. They've made so much progress and I am so proud and honored to work with them. And I know that each of them experiences fear. I'm creating these episodes to help my client past present future clients and all of you, wonderful listeners to help you come into a new relationship with fear and hopefully move past it.
So, you can create the dreams that you want. So, like I said, this one's going to be a little uncomfortable, not terrible, but just a little bit.
We’re going to talk about the five faces of fear.
And we're going to talk about how to overcome them.
I am a big believer that when we understand something, when we're aware, then we're in the place of power and we can do something about it. And that's what we're going to do today.
So, these five faces of fear, what is going on with those? And here's the way that I specifically see them showing up with both myself and in many of my clients’ lives. The face of fear that you have the most habitual face of fear often will show up in the way that you avoid things. First, there is procrastination, ooh, a bit of a tongue twister.
Let me try that again. First, there is procrastination putting it off and putting it off and putting it off, putting off that thing that you know, needs to be done. You're going to do it tomorrow, or it's a little too late today to make that phone call or, you know what? My battery's low on my phone. All of those things feel like procrastination.
The second face of fear is overwhelmed. It might sound like this. I don't know what to do. I'm so overwhelmed. I've got so many different balls that I'm juggling, and I don't even know how it's all going to fit together. Overwhelm is another really common way that fear shows up.
The next one is struggling with making a decision or indecision. What do I do? A or B or C or all of them all at once or in what order? Maybe you're looking at indecision because you've got so many options open to you and you don't know which one to take. So instead of doing anything, you don't decide. Indecision is that third face of fear.
The next one that I see a lot is this, it sounds like this I'm tired. I'm sleepy. I'm so tired that I couldn't possibly do that. You know, I think I should just take it easy. I've been working hard. It's another way that fear can show up being tired.
The fifth and another very common way that I see, especially with the overachievers that I work with is busy being super busy, just doing and doing and doing, being busy, doing all kinds of stuff, but sometimes avoiding the thing that you know is important. Avoiding the thing that might be a little bit new or tough avoiding the thing that you're nervous about.
Five faces of fear that I commonly see procrastination, overwhelm, spinning in busyness, indecision and sleepiness. I can't decide. I'm too tired. I'm overwhelmed. I don't know what to do. I'll wait till tomorrow. Those all sound familiar to us.
Some are more your habitual face of fear than others.
Let's talk about the five ways that fear show up in your life. And I'm kind of curious, and I'd love to hear from you guys. What's the most common way that fear shows up for you?
Send me a DM @candymotzek or comment on this episode and tell me what's your experience.
So now that you know, some of the ways that they're going to show up, what do you do? How do you get past it? How do you form a new habit?
The first thing that we do is acknowledge that fear is real. We become aware of it. This is me feeling afraid, and fear is real.
It's there, it's present in your life. So instead of avoiding it or sweeping it under the carpet, because sometimes we're scared of even feeling the fear. And we acknowledge that it's real. And I know it sounds kind of strange and kind of funny, but I've seen this, and I've experienced it myself, avoiding feeling the fear.
The first thing that you do is you think so I'm scared, or I am nervous, or I am worried. Acknowledge that you're feeling it and acknowledge that it's an emotion that is present. A feeling that is present for you right now. There is a difference between saying, I am scared. I am fearful. You don't have to claim it as your identity. When we use those, I am phrases. We're claiming it as something that we are as if it’s a part of our identity. Instead, shift it slightly, yes, we acknowledge it. But instead of saying, I am fearful, shift it slightly to I feel scared. I feel nervous. This is a real defining point. It's between feeling the feeling and owning the feeling as if it is a part of you.
Watch how you address it. And when you acknowledge that you feel the feeling, I feel nervous today. I feel scared. When you allow it, then you get to watch it.
I know that might sound a little bit weird, but it's going to move and shift. When you're feeling angry. Anytime you're feeling scared. Anytime you have one of these uncomfortable emotions, if you just breathe and watch it, it will start to move like a wave. It will crest, and eventually it will dissipate. So, you don't have to deal with it forever.
Fear Is Normal
You don't have to think that fear is abnormal. It's normal. And it's an emotion. Fear is a function of our biology. It is a chemical reaction that happens in our body. When we might be doing something that our body thinks might be dangerous. Now, evolution has created those chemicals. That is how it has helped protect us. These days things that you and I are scared of are not going to cause us any real danger. Most of the things are not going to do anything but make us feel a little uncomfortable. Maybe we'll feel a little embarrassed. Maybe we'll feel a little silly, but we're not in actual physical danger.
Now, if you're talking about the fear of jumping out of a plane without a parachute, that is a completely different ballpark. And I'm not going down that path.
I'm talking today about the fears that you might have when you try something new, not when you're experiencing a real danger. Maybe you're scared about signing a new coaching client. Maybe you're nervous about doing your first Facebook or Instagram live. Maybe you decided it's time to go back to the gym and you haven't been there for a while. Those are the kinds of nervousness. We're talking about.
Name, the emotion
Name, the emotion, focus on your body and name it. So, it will sound like this.
When you notice and acknowledge that fear is normal and you name it. I am feeling nervous. Then focus on your body. It's a physical sensation in your body. What do you notice? Is your stomach churning? Are your shoulders tight? Do you have goosebumps going up your back? Do you have a rock in the pit of your stomach? What is the actual physical sensation that you fear? I know that for me, sometimes when I'm nervous, my legs get super tight, or they get a little bit jittery. Like they want to move. But when I focus on that physical sensation and I notice it and I acknowledge that I'm nervous, I just pause and give it a little bit of time. I can just accept that I'm having an emotion and notice what's happening in my body and allow myself to focus and feel that physical sensation in about 60 to 90 seconds. Yeah, one minute to a minute and a half, you're going to notice the emotion shifts.
Notice what we're doing is we're present with fear. We are not the fear.
We are experiencing an emotion. And also, because you're present with the fear, you're not pushing it away. You're not scared to feel fear. You're not trying to avoid it at all costs. And so, you're putting a heck of a lot less energy into it by not judging yourself. Instead, you're allowing yourself to experience that emotion. You're allowing the emotion to move through you.
You know, when you think about that word emotion, it is energy in emotion.
If we just allow it, it will move.
These simple little tips are really going to help. And I hope and trust that they will help you take the next step.
I am so glad that you're here. And I hope that you take this episode and apply it in your life.
In the meantime, I've got an interesting freebie that I created, and I'll put the link in the episode notes. It's for those of you who are considering becoming a coach or just starting out in your coaching business. It's called The Ultimate Guide To Becoming A Professional Coach. Click the link in the episode notes and get your copy today.
If you want even more help, maybe you're just done with trying to figure it out on your own. Maybe you have had enough of trying to piece things together to create your dream. Then we should talk. We should talk about how we can work together. I've got some space open in my calendar for a few private clients. If you're listening to this episode in the future, still click that link. It's going to give you different options of how to work directly with me. Click the link in the episode, find out how to work with me. And I will be back to speak with you again next week.
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