Episode 75: The Value Of A Goal.
Today we're going to talk about what is the value of a goal.
Now I’m not talking about those dry, boring goals that they want you to set at work. The annual performance evaluation goals.
And I'm also not talking about the goals where your employer comes to you and says, okay, here's the company goals for the year. What's going to be your role in it? And here's what we want you to do.
I'm talking about your goals. What do you want? And why do you want it?
And so it may not be exactly what you think at first, right?
Often we think that the value of setting a goal is achieving the goal. But what if it's not all about just achieving the goal? It's not a line in the sand. It's not a number that you want to hit. It's not necessarily that new business or that new promotion. What if the value of the goal is not the end result, but everything that happens from when you set the goal to when it comes true?
What if that's the real value of the goal?
The who you're becoming, the how you're learning to try new things, how you're learning to believe in yourself and in your abilities, how you are growing as a person, how you're expanding and what you're learning and the new ways of being in the world.
What if that's the real value of the goal?
When you think about a goal, every goal is a desire. I want a new home. I want a new car, I want a six figure business. I want to be a fully booked coach. I want to add another comma to my income.
I want I want I want. fill in the blank I want… what. But all of those things that we want are actually a desire for a feeling.
Because if you think about it, the life that you're living right now is probably the life that you were dreaming of five years ago. All the things that you imagined would come true when you reach the goal. When you think of where you are right now is really how did you expect to feel?
What if you could feel that way and learn to feel that way all along?
And what if that is one of the big values of the goal, practicing a new feeling, practicing feeling successful, practicing feeling proud and confident all the way along to creating the result that you're looking for.
What if you could actually do that? I'm going to tell you it’s 100% possible.
What a Goal is not
Let me start with talking about what a goal is NOT.
A goal is not in any way a measure of your worth.
A goal is nothing to do with who you are at your core and how deserving your are. You are completely worthy of everything that you can imagine right now. Nothing you can do, no action you can take, no hoop you can jump through affects your value.
No new promotion no fully booked calendar packed with amazing dream clients is going to make you any worthier than you are right this minute.
When you set a goal, if you secretly hope that somehow, it's going to make you more worthy. Then you’re going to be sorely mistaken because you're already worthy. You're already totally valuable just the way you are.
You've got something this world needs and I'm hoping that you're getting to understand that. You’re no more worthy than any other person. No matter your education level, your hair color, your religion, nothing. None of that affects your worth.
So that's what a goal is not.
It's not a way to feel more worthy.
Goal = Desire to Feel
I mentioned earlier that every goal is really a desire for a feeling.
Let me show you how you can go about figuring that out.
When you think about a goal, maybe you're thinking, I want to be a coach, I want my first 5 paying clients or I want to be fully booked and have a successful thriving business.
Maybe I want to have more travel in my life. Maybe I want to meet the love of my life. Maybe I want to go back to school and get that degree.
These are all great aspirations.
Whatever your goal is, the way that you're going to understand how you want to feel is to ask yourself this simple question.
Why? Why do I want that? Why do I want that goal?
Is it going to give you prestige? Is it going to make you feel successful?
Will it make you feel secure?
Why do I want more money? More freedom, more success, more security?
Create a list. There's no right or wrong answer.
Every answer is a great answer.
And then ask, what is it about success? Why do I want success? Because you want to feel something. Maybe you want to feel successful.
Do you see what I mean? Every one of those goals that you think of are wonderful goals.
Ask yourself why? Why do you want it? And then create a list, it may be a long list or a short list. Your list is up to you.
Why do I want that? Why do I want to be a coach? I want paying clients because I want to have my own business and I want to feel free and I want to feel like I’m making a difference in this world and I want to feel like I’m living my purpose.
You can see how every one of these goals is a reason for a feeling.
Once you know the feeling, just know that you can start fostering that feeling today. You don't have to wait until that goal is achieved to start feeling that feeling.. A goal is a way of creating that feeling through desire.
I believe that every goal that you have, every goal that I have is something that was given to me because it's a chance for me to grow. It's a chance for you to grow. It's a chance for you to learn more, to be the next version of yourself, to expand, to feel more of yourself, to become even more authentic and even more fulfilled.
Every single goal is a drive for a feeling and a drive for expansion and growth.
Goal Setting Hurdles
You don’t know what you want, so you don’t set a goal.
You might feel confused about what goal to choose this year.
This is common and I've had this issue before as well – so don’t worry you’re not alone..
It might sound like this, Oh, Candy's talking again about setting goals. She does this every December. She does this. Every January she's talking to get again about setting goals.
When I ask, what do you want? You might feel like a deer stuck in the headlights. And you might think “I don't know. I don't really know what I want.”
You might not know the specifics of your goal but you do know how you want to feel. Maybe one of the reasons that your brain is spinning is because goals feel risky and your brain, wants to keep you safe. So, when it says, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. You never have to figure it out. Well, what if you allowed yourself, what if you got a little bit curious and said, well, if I did have a goal, what might it be?
If a goal was actually possible, what might that goal be?
See what comes up for you. If your brain, and I love to kind of refer to your brain as something that's sort of outside of you just because it helps you separate that security mechanism from the part of you that really wants some bigger life.
Ask yourself, what do I want? And if your brain says, I don't know. You could ask yourself, how do I want to feel?
Do you want to feel more confident? Do you want to feel more successful? More empowered? Like you have clarity? What are those feelings that you want? Once you start to get in touch with those feelings, the goals will start to come to you.
Your brain might be trying to help you by saying, I don't know, because it knows if you never set the goal, then you're never going to be uncomfortable. You're never going to try new things. You're never going to fail. You're never going to realize that you're resilient, that you can think of new things and that you can try again and that you can believe in yourself. You never have to have all that learning. If you never knew what your goal was in the first place.
Ask yourself, how do I want to feel? And then come up with a goal. It doesn't have to be a massive goal. It can be a small goal. Start somewhere.
Set It And Forget It
So next, what gets in the way of you setting a goal? Maybe you set an exciting goal, something that sounds just right.
Remember your brain? The brain that loves to keep you safe?
Your brain….in it’s quest to keep you safe gives you the satisfaction of setting the goal but then you forget about it.
Have you ever done that? I know I sure have.
What do you do?
You start a habit to keep that goal in mind. Every day you do a little something for that goal. You write yourself a note and keep it in your workspace or put it on the bathroom mirror where you’ll see it while brushing your teeth. Little notes, so you don’t forget
If you’re listening to this and it’s June, and you realize you set a goal and forgot about it. I want you to start your year today.
You don't have to wait to December to plan a year.
That 12-month period starts this minute. If you're listening and it's later in the season, don't worry, you can start any time. Any day can be January 1st
You Take a Detour to ‘Be Realistic’
Okay what's next? What's next is being realistic. That's the third big thing. You set a goal and it’s one that makes you go, oh, that's how it'd be amazing.
And then you talk yourself out of the dream. You talk to yourself, out of it.
You say, oh, come on, nobody can do that. That's completely unrealistic. I should make a realistic goal. Something that I can actually hit. Again, you see how your brain tries to talk you out of taking those risks because it's scared that you're going to be disappointed. It's scared that you're going to stretch the boundaries of who you are. And when you stretch those boundaries, it thinks it's going to be dangerous. It wants you to stay in that cozy little cave with the little bonfire in front of the cave and never try anything new.
What do you do when your brain says, be more realistic?
Begin by having a little talk with yourself. You could say, listen, I know you're just trying to keep me safe, and I appreciate that so much, but we're going to try this. And you can even tell your brain, listen, I know this goal is impossible. So, I got you. You're telling me it's impossible and I should be doing something realistic. Guess what? I already know it's impossible. But let's see how close we can get.
Let me know in the comments. What's your big goal this year? And if you do need some more help setting your goal and creating a plan to achieve it.
I’m honored to invite you to be part of my community too. If you’re ready to get started, sign up for my free resource library. The Coaches Online Business Academy, there’s lots of free help waiting for in there right now.
And if you want even more help, maybe you’ve had enough of trying to figure it all out on your own or taking hours and hours piecing together a solution by watching YouTube videos. Then we should talk about how we can work together. I’ve got a few spaces open in my calendar for private clients.
Click the link in the episode notes to find out how to apply to work with me.
I’ll be back to talk with you next week.
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