The 5C Confidence Formula Ep: 067
This is the fourth episode in my mini-series about confidence.
We’ve talked about why faking it til you make it might actually hurt more than it helps. We’ve gone over 3 big lies we tell ourselves about confidence and then last week we talked 3 truths that will help you build your confidence.
I mentioned the 5C confidence formula in those episodes and today this is what I’m going to describe.
So, buckle up and let’s go.
Oh yes, and here’s your thought for today.
This time, I want to see what happens if I don’t give up.
In the past couple of episodes I’ve given you some powerful thoughts, I reminded you “you are far more capable than you know” -then I asked you to remember that “a lack of confidence doesn’t mean you’re not ready”
If you like these encouraging thoughts well, I’ve got a little treat for you.
When you sign up for my FREE Coaches Online Business Academy. It’s the vault that store all kinds of amazing resources to help. In there I’ve got something new I’ve created FREE Screensavers. They are some graphics that I created in Canva that you can use for your phone’s home screen. It’s a super helpful way to remind yourself of those powerful thoughts, so think better and when you do you will feel better, more confident and you will find its way easier to be effective and execute the next steps in your plan.
Changing my phone home screen is one of the ways I remind myself what thoughts I’m practicing Our thoughts are optional, we can learn and integrate new thoughts. When we choose powerful thoughts, we create the emotions that go with them. The emotions of determined, motivated, committed, empowered and more.
And since our feelings fuel our actions the more, we take supportive and empowering actions. We take power away from our tendency to procrastinate and avoid. I’ll put the link to sign up in the show notes. Then you can sign up and download the graphics and start practicing those thoughts.
The 5 C Formula
- Decide and Commit
- Compassion (self-compassion)
I’ll put a graphic in the blog post that goes with this episode, so you can click through and have a look at it for those of you who are visual learners.
This is not a ladder that we climb and get to the top, it’s actually a cycle that we move through.
Some days you’ll feel indecisive, some days you’ll forget what you’re capable of.
When I identify how I’m feeling it’s my reminder of how to move to the next step.
If I’m feeling indecisive it’s time for me to commit. If I’m feeling capable then my next step is to shift into confidence. Compassion, or rather self-compassion is always a good place to land. If you’re not sure how you’re feeling or the step for you to take to move towards confidence. Practice self-compassion and I’ll talk a little more about that as I describe each of the Cs to you in a bit more detail.
Decide and Commit
Deciding is a super power and it happens in a moment.
It doesn’t take time to decide you’ve either decided or you haven’t (which is also a decision). If you haven’t decided you’re in indecision and you haven’t chosen your path.
Nothing happens until you decide
Everything starts with a decision
It is an act of self-empowerment…
It sounds like this:
I have decided…
I can decide to….
We get scared that we’ll make the wrong decision, and we put a lot of emphasis on not making mistakes, not making bad decisions.
Now I’m talking about “bad decisions” that are harmful I’m talking whether you will post a live video on social media today or if you’ve been toying with the idea of writing a blog, attending a networking event or something that you know COULD help move you towards your goal.
What if every decision you made was a good one? You’re either going to have things go well, or you will learn from what happened. That way you’ll get feedback which moves you towards your path right? So, it’s possible isn’t it that every decision is a good decision.
Then once you’ve made a decision, commit to taking the next step. Notice I didn’t say commit to the next 10 steps or commit to the whole journey…. just the next step.
When I use this 5C formula, I don’t try to change the world in one fell swoop, I take the next step, the one right in front of me and the smaller the better.
Our emotions change day to day to day, sometimes hour to hour and if you’re noticing you’re feeling – stuck, indecisive or overwhelmed it’s your sign that the next step in the 5 C cycle is to decide and commit.
When you decide and commit you will feel decisive, at choice, and you will feel clear because you know what you’re going to do next.
So, you made your decision and committed to taking that one next step Now you’re ready for a dose of courage. Courage means “with heart” – ability to do something that frightens you.
There’s no way around it,
Courage often feels terrible before – it means you’re taking a risk and you’re moving past your self-imposed limits, and out of the safety of your comfort zone.
I’m not asking you to take on the world, just the next step.
That’s what’s so great about this 5c approach…. step by step…and you’ll get there.
If it’s too scary…look for past times where you’ve been courageous.
Remind yourself by looking for evidence that you’ve already been that person. You can even ask “How am I already courageous?”
We have this mistaken idea that courage is always BIG, like the hero in a movie. But courage is both that big event and in the small actions too. It’s easier when we remember this that it doesn’t have to be a grand gesture…it could just be one step, one thought, speaking up one time, standing up when you wanted to sit down, believing in yourself when you’d rather give up.
The fun thing about courage is the rush you get after taking the step. Boom I did it! I can do anything
If you get stuck and can’t figure out that next step, ask yourself “What would my courageous self do?”
Before you take the brave step, courage might feel like nervous, even scared.
Then after you take the brave step, it often feels empowered. Watch and see how you experience courage.
Ok you’re on a roll, you decided and commit the first C, then you practice courage the second C and with time and repetition and learning you’ll notice you’re
Starting to feel increasingly better, you feel capable when you’ve making some progress…you’re not 100% but you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
This is a place of learning and where you’re starting to see traction, The more you take acts of courage the quicker you will feel capable.
Capable means you start to feel competent and effective. You may find yourself thinking thoughts like “I’m getting there” “It’s coming” or “I’m making progress.
Ok you’ve made so much progress and you’ve landed at the fourth C Confidence.
Confidence feels great! It’s the byproduct of all of the Cs…. it’s what we want.
Now if you want to feel confident you know what to do.
Find out where you are in the cycle, and then take the next step. If you’re indecisive you know it’s time to decide and commit, then it’s time to be courageous and take that next step, keep learning, keep practicing until you become capable and now you know you will land at confidence.
So far it sounds pretty sensible and logical. And many people who teach about confidence stop right there
But I’m curious, wouldn’t you like to make it even easier?
You’ll notice that I’ve talked only about 4 Cs (Decide and Commit, Courage, Capable, Confident)
But I called this the 5C Formula for Confidence
The 5th C is Compassion
Compassion means to treat yourself like a dear friend.
We’ve got this weird idea that we have to be hard on ourselves, we have to crack the whip. Has that ever really gotten you far?
More than likely when you’re continually harsh with yourself you will rebel. After all the pain of not doing anything is better than the pain of having done something and getting raked over the coals for it (at least if you don’t do anything you haven’t wasted that energy and you can pretend and tell yourself “Oh I will do it soon”)
When we are compassionate with ourselves everything is easier.
Courage is easier, deciding is easier, committing is easier, taking action is definitely easier…because you’re not going to berate yourself if it’s not perfect.
More than anything this C….is THE MOST IMPORTANT C
What could possible for you if you have your own back no matter what the outcome?
Well, you’d be a lot more likely to learn from your mistakes and try again.
Sounds good right?
So how do we do this?
We decide and we commit to ourselves. We create and build a relationship with ourselves.
Now I know it’s easy for you to say “but I don’t know how. I’ve never done this before” That’s ok, we all start from the beginning, and it’s really ok if this is a new skill for you.
So let me show you how to get started.
You start with your thoughts and feelings.
You might practice thoughts like these
T: No matter what happens I will have my own back
T: If I make a mistake, I will still be kind to myself
T: how are you feeling sweetie
T: How are you friend?
T: What do you need?
T: You’ve done a lot…
And when you practice these thoughts, you don’t just say the words and rush past them, nope you want to say them slowly, relax, breathe and feel them change the physical sensations in your body.
These thoughts conjure up feelings of comfort, safety, curiosity and security.
Have fun practicing these thoughts, treat yourself like a friend. This isn’t about slacking, letting yourself off the hook when you’re ready to take that courageous leap it’s about being kind to yourself all the way through the process.
And listen I know if you’ve been practicing being the drill sergeant with yourself for years it will take a little bit of time and effort, but the quality of your life will be so much better. It’s my wish for you that you will take this to heart.
So, decide and start today. It won’t take long before those thoughts start to show up every day unbidden. You’ll be surprised how quickly you can make these changes.
You are the only person who can decide to practice self-compassion, no one else can give this to you, it’s a gift you and you alone can give yourself.
if you’re resistant and having a problem with this whole “self-compassion” thing and it’s just too foreign to you begin by using the phrase self-respect. You may find it an easier place to start, one that doesn’t create so much resistance.
So, we’ve done it! Those are the 5Cs of Confidence Formula
- Decide and commit
- Confident and most important
Next week I’m going to share a bit more about how to put this 5C formula to practice. So, listen in.
Did you know that I love my clients, they are high achievers, and I’m honored to invite you to be part of my community too? If you’re ready to get started, sign up for my free resource library. The Coaches Online Business Academy, there’s lots of free help waiting for in there right now. And don’t forget to download those inspiring FREE screen savers.
And if you want even more help, maybe You’ve had enough of trial and error and trying to figure it all out on your own. And now you want to work more closely with me.
Click the link in the episode notes to find out how to apply to work with me.
I’ll be back to talk with you next week.
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