3 Big Lies We Tell Ourselves About Confidence Ep: 065
Hello friends, I’m so glad you’re here.
Welcome to this episode of She Coaches Coaches.
Today we’re going to dive right in and talk about the 3 big lies we tell ourselves about confidence.
When we believe these lies, we set ourselves up for failure. So, let’s talk about them because when you know…well you know and then you can work to avoid them so you can move forward.
Hey, if you’re here YAY. I’ve just started this little mini-series about confidence, if you missed the first episode in this series be sure to go back and listen once you’re finished with this one. We talked about how the saying “fake it til you make it” doesn’t help you feel confident or show up as YOU. Plus, I gave you another thought to use instead.
This week I wanted to share this powerful thought with you to encourage you and remind you that … you are far more capable than you know
YOU are far more capable than you know.
When you get stuck or filled with self-doubt use this thought to your advantage and help shift your emotions. From self-doubt to empowered, or from stuck to clarity.
If you like these kinds of powerful thoughts, then you better sign up for my free Coaches Online Business Academy.
It’s the vault that store all kinds of amazing resources to help. In there I’ve got something new I’ve created FREE Screensavers. They are some graphics that I created in Canva that you can use for your phone’s home screen. It’s a super helpful way to remind yourself of those powerful thoughts, so think better and when you do you will feel better, more confident and you will find it’s way easier to be effective and execute the next steps in your plan.
I’ll put the link to sign up in the show notes then you can download those screensavers and add them to your phone. They’re there waiting for you RN.
Three lies we tell ourselves about confidence
The first lie is “One day” wishful thinking:
There’s a story we tell ourselves, there will come a day when we will feel fearless and 100% confident forever and ever. It’s kind of a fairy tale, and not a very helpful one.
We aspire and wish to reach the peak of confidence, and to never be down in the valley of self-doubt again.
When we think this “one day: (in quotation marks) will arrive some day in the future, we don’t have to do anything today.
We wait for the perfect moment and somehow, we think this moment will magically happen to us.
Do you see that? We think it will happen to us, instead of believing that we are in charge to make the moment.
This One day thinking also has us believing that once we feel confident, we will always feel confident.
Do you see this lie for what it is?
It says we will reach that peak and stay there forever more…but you know this isn’t true. Remember the last promotion you got…you felt nervous, anxious, excited and like a newbie…then you grew through you took risks, used your courage, capability and most importantly conscious practice. Eventually you realized you felt confident…. until the next promotion or the next stretch arrived. Maybe it was a public speaking opportunity or the time you needed to have that uncomfortable conversation.
See…what I mean you were confident and then you weren’t. Nothing has gone wrong, it’s normal for confidence to rise and fall.
Do you remember now? We don’t get confident and stay there forever. It doesn’t work that way.
In a couple of episodes, I will explain my 5C confidence formula and this will give you the step by step exact thing to do create confidence. On demand, so you’re not waiting around for it to magically show up.
Yes, instead of waiting for that magical day, you can start creating it now.
The second, we spend our lives waiting for the right time: We wait to feel better, more confident, before we start.
But this is not helpful. When we wait for the feeling before we begin it may never happen…so we wait, and we wait some more.
We tell ourselves this feeling of discomfort is wrong, and that we are wrong when we feel it. Maybe we tell ourselves we’re not ready yet, not until we feel confident. And so, we delay….and delay and delay.
It’s our biology’s way of trying to keep us safe. It thinks this new thing is a risk and risk means potential danger.
The danger might be that we won’t fit in, or that we’ll make a mistake and look silly. And guess what? If this is something new, we won’t be perfect right at the start….
So, the lie encourages us to wait until we feel confident to act.
But confidence is a feeling, and we create our feelings by shifting our thoughts. We don’t create confidence solely through action
Every thought generates a feeling.
Remember – you are far more capable than you know
The third the lie of comparison:
We think, other people have it easier, they’ve got their act together. They always feel good.
In our imagination, those people we look up to, our role models, have it “all together” they are filled with unstoppable confidence.
We use this as a reason to keep playing small and safe. We decide since we can never catch up with them why bother starting.
Why even try.
But truthfully, we have no idea how they feel right now. And we don’t know the journey they’ve been on. We might be comparing our beginning with their middle.
Maybe we’ve never done this before and they’ve been working on it for months or years.
Do you notice how we often compare ourselves unfavorably, to keep ourselves playing small and avoiding risk? Yes, it’s true we’ve all don’t this at times. But now that you’re seeing the lie for what it is…you don’t have to keep making this mistake.
The other place this lie of comparison shows up is when we assume that we know how that person feels inside by looking at their outside. But we have no way of knowing if they’ve just taken a deep breath and soldiered on because they’re determined, or if they’ve grown to feel confident because they’ve practice, or they just decided to go for it with a leap of bravery.
The next time you look at a role model instead of using them as a way to keep yourself small, remind yourself.
If she can do it that means I can do it too.
Her accomplishments mean it’s possible for you too.
Alright let’s wrap it up for today
The three lies we tell ourselves about confidence are:
One day wishful thinking: There will come a day when we feel fearless and 100% confident forever and ever.
Waiting for the right time: We wait to feel better, more confident, before we start. Instead of learning how to build confidence with our thoughts and applying the 5C confidence formula.
Comparison. Compare ourselves (usually unfavorably) to others and we imagine that we know how they feel inside by looking at their outside.
I so appreciate that you’re here as part of my community and I trust that you’re applying this in your life too.
My clients are go-getters, and many of them wanted to become a coach for weeks, months or even years before they got started. If this is your time sign up for my free resource library. The Coaches Online Business Academy, there’s lots of free help there waiting for you in there right now so you can log on and get started! And don’t forget to download those inspiring FREE screen savers.
The link is in the episode notes waiting for you to sign up for free.
And if you want more help, maybe you want to work more closely with me. Click the link in the episode notes to find out how to apply to work with me.
I’ll be back to talk with you next week.
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