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Build Self-Trust With Integrity Ep:053



Episode 53: Keep your word to yourself and build self-trust with integrity

Hi there and welcome to this episode of She Coaches Coaches.

I’m so pleased you’re here listening to me, and I love creating these episodes for you.

Today’s episode is a real-life / real-time example that I wanted to share with you. All about integrity 

But before we get started, I want to share this review with you 

It’s from Melissa M_Narrator. Here’s what she has to say 

Candy is THE BEST
It didn’t take many podcast episodes for me to realize I NEEDED Candy in my life as a coach. She’s everything you’d imagine she’d be. Caring, curious, kind, empathetic and wise. I feel like a stronger coach, a better wife / mother and kinder to myself after becoming her client. Just listening to this will improve your life. All the stars! 


Melissa is one of my clients and I love her. She’s going to be a guest on an upcoming episode.

I so appreciate her leaving a review, I know it’s a bit of a tricky thing to do. And I’d appreciate it if you would leave a review too.. I read all my reviews on these episodes and they are one way I know that I am making a difference and helping you. If you want me to read your review and give you a shout out on this podcast, then leave a review. I’ve created some instructions to make this a little easier for you – see below in the episodes notes.

I had a super special vacation, my son got married and he married a wonderful woman. We just love her and we’re so happy she’s officially part of our family. We always felt like she was family, but their commitment to each other made it even more official.

 They got married at our cabin, out in nature and we had a gorgeous sunny day. They stood by the ocean, with the granite cliffs and twisted arbutus trees all around while they exchanged vows. The sun was shining, ah it was wonderful.

Unfortunately, they could only have a few people, so many family members couldn’t be invited because of the location and because of Co-vid regulations.

So that was too bad but in the end, it’s the start of their marriage – which will last for years, which truly is so much more important than the brief moment of one ceremony.

Anyway, let’s jump into today’s topic.

Let me start with a question

Do you have integrity?

If you’re like me, you’d say YES, of course, I do. And I guess you and I probably share some of the same qualities and values because you are listening to this podcast.

Integrity is important to me: it’s defined as doing the right thing in a reliable way. It's a personality trait that we admire since it means a person has a moral compass that doesn't waver.  

Integrity usually means

  • We practice honesty
  • We respect others and ourselves
  • We generate trust
  • We take responsibility
  • We keep our promises

Sounds pretty good right?

If I give my word to another, you bet I’m going to keep my promise. I take responsibility to live up to that commitment.

So, here’s where I fell down,

I practice integrity with others, and I realize that I don’t always practice it with myself.

I keep my word to others, but I don’t always keep it to myself 

What about you?

Do you find that you don’t always keep your word to yourself?

Take a breath and let that settle in.

It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, it means we want to have integrity and sometimes it’s easier to have it with others than it is to have it with ourselves.

Here’s how this showed up for me this week.

I’m just back from vacation, as I said earlier for the marriage of my son and normally I batch my content. I thought I’d created enough of these podcast episodes to make sure you had consistent episodes that show up every week in your preferred player. But I didn’t I messed up.

So yesterday I started to make excuses.  Oh, it’s ok if I don’t do an episode this week. It’s been a busy week, it’s ok for me to miss just this one. 

And I thought I felt ok with it.

But I woke up in the middle of the night ill-at-ease.  Something was bugging me. I rolled around in bed for a while and then I realized.

I was disappointed with myself.

First, because I was letting myself down. I commit ( and I say that word with strength) to creating and releasing a new podcast episode every week.

And I wasn’t keeping my word to myself. 

Second, I wasn’t keeping my word to you, my listeners. You are in my space, and my role as the leader is to show up, lead and support you as best I can. I take my role as leader to heart, not because it’s hard – but because it’s important and I value it.

I give my word to myself and to YOU. and we are both important.

I know you get to choose when you pop your ear buds in and exactly what you listen to. Where you give your attention and time and energy.

I know there are listeners who have been with me since the beginning of this podcast who wait for the next episode to drop and then listen to it when it goes live. They listen every single week.. Yes, you heard me…..Every. Single. Week. And if that’s you I am deeply honored.

Whether you are new or you’ve been listening consistently for the past year.

I am so thankful that you chose to listen to my podcast or read my posts. I don’t take that lightly and so here I am.

Recording it at the last minute, sending it to my editor ( and truthfully ) inconveniencing him.

Because integrity is important to me. I give my word and I am learning to be the woman who keeps her word. 

So now over to you… where do you say you’re going to do something and then don’t keep your word to yourself?

It’s easy isn’t it to slough on ourselves? 

I’m not sharing this with you so that you are mean to yourself. I’m sharing it because we coaches go first, we are always learning and we are guides and role models for our clients.

Allow that this may be the case, that sometimes you don’t keep your word to yourself and that you will do better.

Recognize if this pattern is one that shows up for you. Treat yourself with compassion, maybe you’ve taken on too much, maybe you’ve overloaded yourself. Maybe you’re just used to over committing because you know you will let yourself off the hook. But then what happens?  When you repeatedly let yourself off the hook you lose self-trust.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said: Self-trust is the first key to success.

Trusting yourself and being trustworthy are core to your confidence.

Trusting yourself is one of the most helpful things you can do for you in your life. It can help build your confidence, allow others to trust you more, and makes decision-making much easier too.

I hope I’ve got you thinking.

Is this a chance for you re-assess what you commit to? 

Maybe it’s time for you to decide to consciously commit to less.

Maybe it’s time for you to practice self-compassion.

Maybe it’s time for you to step up and keep your word to yourself. 

Believe me when you do, you will build a store of self-trust and you will feel empowered and so much better about yourself.

To build your self-trust, start small, take it step by step.

Be awake and aware. Watch for places that you overcommit and adjust.

Hold yourself accountable

Treat yourself with compassion remember you are building a new skill, so don’t expect to be perfect. Of course, you will slip from time to time. Recognize, and appreciate your growth. Lots of people say celebrate, I like that word appreciate. 

Practice, practice, practice and you will build that self-trust, so you will be capable of so much more and your self-confidence will soar. 

Alright, that’s it for today. 

Hey, I so appreciate that you’re here and that you’re part of my community.

Now, if you want more help in becoming a coach, Check out the link in the episode notes to find out how to apply to work with me. 

And don’t forget to sign up for my free resource library that’s filled with all kinds of resources and tools you can use to get started. It’s called the Coaches Online Business Academy, click the link in the episode notes to sign up today. 

I’ll be back to talk with you next week.


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